Dagny Carlsson have now died at an age of 109 years, and she did not allow the last years to be the worst years of her life but made them perhaps to the best. The last 10 years seem to have been characterized by both joy and curiosity. Perhaps she came to the realization that there was no longer anything to lose, the worst thing that could happen was that she died and that she would certainly do anyway soon. 

Dagny Carlsson been almost 50 years older than I am today. But I already feel old and that it’s too late to try to do something “meaningful” with my life. Instead of thinking ahead, I often fall back thinking about crucial factors and the moments in my childhood that shaped me into who I am and what my life might have looked like if things had been different. What if I had a belief in myself from the beginning and that I could choose my own path through life instead of just gratefully receiving what has been offered with a feeling that I am not worth this.

But maybe I have 50 years to live, 50 years left to choose my own path. 50 exciting and interesting years, meaningless overall, but still… I can’t allow it to be 50 years of just waiting for the end. Or maybe not… Today, the media reported that the rock band FOO Fighters drummer, Taylor Hawkins, has died. He was only 50 years old. There is no room to wait to start living. The perspective must be that I will live for another 50 years but that I can die tomorrow. A very difficult balancing act.

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